Parents of twins who were stillborn last year are inviting anyone who has lost a child to take part in a celebration of their lives in Harrogate this autumn.
Hayley and Neil Patrick-Copeland hope to raise money for a charity supporting families through child bereavement with their Baby Loss Awareness Ball.
Hayley said she hoped the event would bring people together, as well as raising money for other parents going through the same situation.
She told the Stray Ferret:
“Everyone deals with it differently, but I think it’s really important to try and change the conversation around baby loss, so people don’t see the trauma and think, ‘we mustn’t talk about it’.
“The vast majority of people i’ve met would just love people to talk about their children, include them, say their names.
“People say, well-meaningly, they don’t want to upset you by reminding you about your children. But people don’t forget their children have died – they’re constantly in their mind.
“Yes, it might make you cry, but the fact that someone mentions them is emotional because it’s wonderful.”
Hayley was 25 weeks pregnant last year when her twin girls were born, on August 2 last year.
She and husband Neil had been told it was a high-risk pregnancy, because the twins shared a placenta, and at 24 weeks doctors diagnosed twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS).
Despite successful laser surgery in Birmingham, the babies’ hearts stopped beating and they could not be saved. Hayley and Neil returned to North Yorkshire and she gave birth a few days later in hospital in York.
Hayley said:
“It’s the most life-changing, earth-shattering thing anybody could ever imagine.
“It’s everybody’s worst fear, your children dying, and on top of that not just the grief for the fact that you’ve lost them, but for the whole lifetime they should have had.
“Intertwined with that is the absolute joy and delight of meeting your children. They were our first children, so we became parents.
“The overwhelming joy of meeting these beautiful little girls we created is the greatest honour. This is why we are trying to make sure we have a legacy and make sure they are always part of our lives and our family, and remembered and included.”
As a result, the couple will raise money for the charity 4Louis through their blue-and-pink themed Baby Loss Awareness Ball, which takes place at Pavilions of Harrogate on Saturday, October 14.
4Louis provides memory boxes for parents whose babies are stillborn, enabling them to capture hand and footprints, and give their child a teddy bear.
The charity also delivers cooled boxes and blankets to allow bereaved families to spend more time with their children after they have died.
Hayley and Neil were able to spend time with Alya, left, and Aleah thanks to 4Louis
Although Hayley and Neil live in Selby, they chose the venue in Harrogate because of its peaceful setting, and to offer easy access to people from across North Yorkshire.
They particularly wanted to hold the night during Baby Loss Awareness Week, and all attendees will be given a candle to take home and use in the national wave of light the following evening.
If it goes well, Hayley said they hope it will become an annual event and a way of welcoming recently bereaved parents from across the county into a supportive community.
“Since the girls died and we had met them, we decided this was something we would like to do in their memory and all of those beautiful babies, especially so there was an event in North Yorkshire that recognised them in a fun, celebratory way that was not a sombre occasion.
“Candle-lit services are lovely and very special, but we also want a celebration for them.”
Tickets, which include a welcome drink, three-course dinner and entertainment, are £65 each or £600 for a table of 10. They can be booked via the event website.
Read more:
- Volunteers donate life-saving equipment to Harrogate hospital baby unit
- Harrogate woman to swim English Channel distance for charity
