This post is sponsored by Ison Harrison Solicitors

After many years of campaigning and discussion by solicitors such as Ison Harrison, ‘no-fault divorce’ is going to stop the law putting divorcing couples up against one another. From April 2022, no-fault divorce is being introduced into English law as a means of legally separating two spouses.

How does the no-fault divorce differ from the current divorce process?

Currently, the person applying for a divorce can only do so on the grounds that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. To do that they must be able to show evidence of at least one of the five key facts:

• Adultery – that the other spouse has committed adultery and they find it intolerable to live with them.
• Unreasonable behaviour – that the other spouse has behaved in such a way that the petitioner can no longer reasonably be expected to live with them.
• Desertion – that the other spouse has deserted the petitioner for a minimum of two years.
• Separation: two years – that the two parties have lived separately for a continuous period of two years and both parties agree to the divorce.
• Separation: five years – that the two parties have lived separately for a continuous period of five years and one or both parties agree to the divorce.

A no-fault divorce removes the need to rely on these five facts and hopes to provide an easier route to a more amicable separation. Therefore, a couple can apply for a divorce without apportioning blame.

Shaun Hulme, partner at Ison Harrison, said:

“At present couples often find themselves relying upon trivial issues simply as a means to meet and surmount the legal test. Thinking of reasons can be quite hurtful to both parties.”

How does a no-fault divorce process work?

• One or both parties can make an application to the Court for a ‘Divorce Order’
• Within that application must be a statement to confirm that the marriage has irretrievably broken down
• There is then a minimum period of 20 weeks from the date of this application to the next stage of the divorce process. This is known as the ‘period of reflection’, designed to give couples time and space to consider their actions and whether they still wish to proceed
• Prior to a ‘Conditional Order’ (formerly known as the Decree Nisi) being issued, one or both of the parties must re-confirm that they still wish to separate
• Currently, there is a minimum period of six weeks and one day between the Decree Nisi (Conditional Order) and the Decree Absolute (Final Order) being issued, and this will remain in place.

What are the benefits expected from the no-fault divorce?

While there is a perception that divorce can be messy, antagonistic and bitter, many couples separate on amicable terms and certainly wish to maintain a positive relationship on the basis that their marriage simply ran its course on natural grounds. In such cases, the mood is sad and reflective, and couples mainly wish to divide assets and make arrangements for children in the most cordial way. This can happen, but increasingly it has been felt within the legal sector that having to apportion blame can create bad feeling and finger-pointing, where there isn’t necessarily any blame on either party. In other words, evidence of one of the ‘five facts’ can be hard to find, and these conditions have become outdated as ‘cover-all’ terms.

Ison Harrison Solicitors strongly support the long-overdue introduction of the no-fault divorce, and with vast experience of dealing with separating couples, we are confident the move will reduce the scope for disagreement.

To find out more about our expert family law services, visit www.isonharrison.co.uk/no-fault-divorce/ or call our Harrogate branch on 01423 228 111.

This article is sponsored by Raworths Solicitors. 

Going through a divorce is a challenging time for everyone involved. Despite the best intentions at the outset to be civil, the mood can quickly become acrimonious and antagonistic, which makes the whole process unpleasant, drawn out – and more costly.

The family law team at Raworths has been working with families for decades, offering support and expertise to ensure the divorce process meets everyone’s objectives without unnecessary conflict or cost.

Solicitors Carmelita Ardren, head of the family law team and Ellie Foster, legal director, have guided many through the emotionally charged process of divorce. In an increasingly digital era they are encouraging those getting a divorce, or going through the process to consider their digital footprint and to…

Think before you click.

The use of social media to investigate an estranged spouse during divorce is increasing.

Carmelita said:

“Using social media posts to show the other person’s behaviour can rapidly increase the temperature in divorce proceedings, lead to acrimony, and make things very difficult.

“My rule would be to think really carefully about how what you post online could be interpreted by the other person – and others in your community.”

Ellie added:

“I’ve seen times where social media posts show that one person’s lifestyle is very different to the message they’re saying elsewhere, for example to their solicitor.

“Rather than being open and transparent, it just arouses suspicion from day one and immediately leads to mistrust.”

So what are some of the key areas to avoid when posting on social media during a divorce?

• New relationships. Especially if one person has moved on more quickly than the other, it can cause unnecessary distress.
• Anything that’s different to what you’re saying elsewhere. As Carmelita says, “If you’re claiming you can’t work because of ill health, don’t post about completing a half-marathon. It sounds obvious, but it happens.”
• Anything illegal. Publicising details of proceedings or arrangements, especially involving children, can be against the law.

Carmelita and Ellie stress that staying as civil as possible throughout the divorce is beneficial for everyone – especially where children are involved.

Ellie said:

“It’s so easy for comments posted on social media about your partner to get back to your children, through their own friends and parents. Think about the potential effect on them before you post.”

And as Carmelita points out, it’s not just about young children:

“You might be friends with your teen or adult children on social media. Think about your privacy settings and how details of new relationships or complaints about their other parent could raise questions or make children very uncomfortable.

“Also remember that you aren’t just in your children’s lives until they are 18; you’ll still have to come into contact with the other parent at weddings, christenings and other events beyond them turning 18.”

If you’re going through a divorce and see something on social media that you think could help your case, the advice is to get advice.

As Ellie puts it,

“Don’t set out to dig things up on your ex, it’s generally not helpful. But if you do come across something you think is important, don’t share it with the entire community, talk through its relevance with your solicitor.”

Carmelita added:

“You might think it’s the lynchpin. While it might be key in disproving credibility, nine times out of ten it’s not. Diving straight in can complicate things and cause unnecessary conflict.”

The Raworths family law team put the client at the centre of their approach, offering support and guidance to help people move forwards. They can also assist you in accessing other services from counselling to financial advice. 

Contact Ellie, Carmelita and the Raworths family law team on their website. 

This article is sponsored by Berwins

Family breakdown is never easy, but Christmas can be a particularly distressing time for separated parents and their children.

There is an unrealistic expectation that the festive period should be be perfect, not helped by increasing pressure caused by social media.

This often leads to feelings of anger, frustration and upset when that “perfect” family Christmas can’t be made into a reality.

Arguments can start over where the children will be on Christmas Day. There can also be disagreements about whether new partners should be spending time with the children at Christmas, as well as issues with money.

But it doesn’t always have to be difficult.

Harrogate dad Alex separated from his wife in 2010, when his daughter was three-years-old.

Tough

He described how the first two Christmases apart were a struggle, but then gradually improved in future years thanks to good communication.

He said:

“In that first year it was all quite recent and a little raw. Christmas morning was spent separately at our respective parents, and my daughter was with her mum.

“We then met in a neutral venue, a pub in a rural village, and had a drink and I got to spend some time with my daughter.

“That first year was incredibly tough and getting in the car and driving away from her later in the afternoon was particularly hard.

“The following year my daughter spent the morning with my ex-wife, and then came to my house. It was a little too upsetting for all parties, particularly for my daughter as she just wanted to play with her new things.”

However, as a result, they both agreed that they would then take it in turns each year, which he says has worked out better for everyone ever since.

He said:

“When she is not with us, we have a separate faux Christmas Day and meal on another day as near to the big day as we can, but there is no substitute to having her with you on the day itself.”

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Alex continues to have a good relationship with his ex-wife and says this makes it easier when it comes to Christmas festivities.

He said:

“I think when you have children, the focus of the day itself changes anyway, and you realise that the enjoyment comes from experiencing it through their eyes.

“Once both parties accept that, it’s easy to keep it amicable as you will do everything you can to make it special for the children involved.

“As with every aspect of co-parenting, communication is the key, and if you can keep in touch and keep it friendly (sometimes through gritted teeth), then it makes everything so much better for you and your children.

“I genuinely think my daughter has a wonderful time at Christmas. She gets spoiled by both sides of her family and gets to have two Christmas Days every year.”

Advice

Stephen Root, director of Berwins Solicitors, based in Harrogate, has shared his advice on arrangements for children over the Christmas period.

He said:

• Remember it is not about you spending time with your children, but your children spending time with you and the other parent.
• Try and approach it from your children’s point of view. Will they be happier seeing both of you on Christmas Day, even if that means moving from house-to-house? Or are they better off in one place, perhaps, alternating Christmas Day and Boxing Day between you?
• Try and find an arrangement that suits your family and can be used from year-to-year, perhaps alternating Christmas and the New Year holiday periods between you.
• Try and reach an agreement as early as possible. If everyone knows what the arrangements are there are less likely to be arguments. If there are issues, then the earlier you have begun discussions the more time you have to resolve them.
• If the children are with you all day Christmas Day, do make time for them to speak with the other parent during the day. In most cases children will want to at least speak to the other parent during the festivities.
• Don’t compete with each other. Try and discuss what presents you are getting – consider still buying jointly if you can – and don’t expect your children to eat two Christmas dinners.

This article is sponsored by Consilia Legal.

Microsoft entrepreneurs, Bill and Melinda Gates, publicly announced last week that their marriage had ‘irretrievably broken down’. The billionaire philanthropists have suggested that they want a conciliatory divorce to separate their assets, estimated to be worth $146 billion.

Local family solicitor, Sophie Arrowsmith, from Consilia Legal in Harrogate and Leeds, notes that the Gates family have been pioneers for change and forward thinking, which will stand them in good stead when entering discussions.

Sophie said:

“When the news story hit the headlines, the media were scrambling for information as to how the parties were going to begin to untangle their enormous wealth.”

“Although the circumstances of this particular family’s wealth may be uncommon, the unfortunate breakdown of their marriage is not. Helpfully, the pair have considered alternative dispute resolution when arranging their divorce. This public move to amicably settle matters will likely persuade others to consider mediation and other forms of resolution first to avoid lengthy and costly proceedings.”

“The Ministry of Justice have recently implemented a scheme of allocating £1million to provide vouchers, worth up to £500 per case, which will reduce the costs of mediation for separating families. The scheme has been praised for encouraging families to consider a constructive and conciliatory process outside of the courts.”

 

Consilia Legal offers a range of alternative dispute resolution methods, including mediation services. Mediation is a process where separated couples meet with our accredited family mediators and explore options as to how to can reach important decisions for their family, whether in relation to children and/or financial matters. Mediation can lead to more amicable resolutions in a non-inflammatory way and can reduce the stress of complicated proceedings.

To discuss mediation, contact Sophie Arrowsmith or Laura Clapton at Consilia Legal in Leeds on 0113 3229 222, or email s.arrowsmith@consilialegal.co.uk and l.clapton@consilialegal.co.uk

Visit www.consilialegal.co.uk for more details of legal services available.

Laura’s Law is a monthly legal column written by family lawyer Laura Mounsey. Laura is a partner at Harrogate Family Law. She specialises in dealing with divorced couples and people who have been in abusive relationships. Her role involves protecting her clients’ assets and income if they want to live with someone or get married, and resolving disagreements about children.

This week Laura advises on whether there is a “right” time to divorce. 

New Year, new start?

2020 was challenging year for most people, with the unprecedented stress of dealing with a global pandemic. Many have not only been fearful of what the future holds outside of their home but also, the future inside their home.

A lot have shared with me that:

• marital problems that they had been able to bury or turn a blind eye to started to bubble up in a big way. Suddenly, they had little choice but to confront the reality of their marriage and the effect this was having on them.
• they found themselves unable to put a plaster on the cracks anymore and bad behaviour boiled over. Exhausted and stressed out, arguments become more common place and, with no distraction or outlet, more difficult to move on from.
• the added pressure of home-schooling, fearing whether they would have an income, missing loved relatives and the ever-fluctuating tier restrictions made them feel more trapped than ever, and more desperate than ever to get out.

Even though the pandemic pushed these individuals to realise that their marital difficulties needed to be dealt with, holding onto the certainty of an unhealthy marriage seemed more comfortable than the uncertainty of separating in an unfamiliar world.

Often, individuals would tell me that they were too anxious about what getting divorced would look like in 2020 even though they knew that, for the sake of their family, they did need to make that change. They were fearful that they would have nowhere to live because of the state of the housing market, they would not be able to pay their bills because of the financial downturn, the impact on the children would be too difficult to handle with home-schooling, and their ex would keep their children from them because of the pandemic.

In my experience, anyone who is thinking about getting divorced is scared about what the future will hold. That is no different in a pandemic. But whether we are in a pandemic or not, there is no lightbulb moment and there is no perfect time.

The hardest part tends to be making the decision about whether to make that call or not. It is easy to delay and delay, convincing yourself there will be a better time. But how much worse are things going to get in the meantime?

If you think splitting up is inevitable, waiting can cause more damage to your relationship. How much harder is it going to be to get through everything as painlessly as possible if there is more to fix when you eventually decide that you are “ready”?

Speak with someone impartial like a counsellor and lawyer who are not here to sell you on any outcome, just help you take a step back and decide whether this is what you want. And if it isn’t what you want, what are you going to do about it?

Laura’s Law is a monthly legal column, written by family lawyer, Laura Mounsey. Laura is a partner at Harrogate Family Law. She specialises in dealing with divorced couples and people who have been in abusive relationships. Her role involves protecting her clients’ assets and income if they want to live with someone or get married and resolving disagreements about children.

This week Laura advises on what to do if your ex is weaponising your children.

If you are in the process of separating (or thinking about doing so), you may be terrified about losing your children. You may be worried that your ex will be so intent on ‘revenge’, that they will try to weaponise your children against you.

Typically, by the time that people ask for my help, they tell me that their:

1. Children’s opinion of them has become very negative
2. Children are acting out against them and rejecting them
3. Ex keeps taking their children away from them
4. Ex has made all sorts of allegations about them as a parent

It isn’t uncommon for children to struggle with their parents’ separation. However, sometimes your ex may throw your children into the middle of a conflict by manipulating their view of you and burdening them by having to ‘choose a side’. Being bombarded with such responsibility and pressure can cause them significant distress.

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It is not fair for your ex to try to damage your children’s relationship with you. However, it can and does happen. It’s likely to get worse the longer you leave it. Sadly, I have seen an increase in this behaviour during the pandemic lockdown. Particularly where children have been withheld from seeing one of their parents.

Often, if you approach your ex on your own and challenge them about the way that they are treating your children, they will deny it. This often backfires and allows your ex to spin your concerns against you, as if you are in the wrong. This can leave you feeling trapped without a way out.

Does this sound familiar?

When you separate, your children need you both more than ever and that should be a priority. However, your ex may see your children as a way to get what they want, regardless of what damage they may cause getting there.

It isn’t impossible to deal with your ex’s behaviour however it is time critical because the more you delay, the more damage may be done. To disarm your ex, for your children’s sake as well as your own, it is vital that you reach out.

You should also consider:

1. Telling your ex in writing about your concerns and set out why
2. Keeping a log of what has been happening
3. Asking for professional support for you and/or the children

This is particularly important, now that we are in another lockdown. Even though we cannot meet in person for now, you can still reach out and get help. The court is also still open, so you are not alone.

To find out more about Laura and her speciality in family law, click here.

This legal column is written by family lawyer, Laura Mounsey. Laura is a partner at Harrogate Family Law. She specialises in dealing with divorced couples and people who have been in abusive relationships. Her role involves protecting her clients’ assets and income if they want to live with someone or get married and resolving disagreements about children. In this column, she discusses the red flags to look out for that indicate you may be married to a narcissist and how to get out.

I have experienced the trauma of divorcing a narcissist first-hand. I am now a lawyer who specialises in helping people who are terrified of standing up to them.

Typically, I find that many of my clients have been conditioned to think that they have no self-worth. They have been controlled and bullied for years. They believe that any wrongdoing is their fault and that they do not deserve any better. The idea of saying “enough is enough” paralyses them with fear; so worn down, they feel trapped with no way out.

Over time, I have heard many people who sit in front of me say that their ex is:

• Controlling

They tell them what to do and what not to do. They are scolded for “stepping out of line”. However, the rules always change, and they never win. Instead, they live their lives walking on eggshells.

• Arrogant

They think they are superior and expect that others cater to, and admire, them. Even though they have inflated self-esteem, beneath it, hides crippling insecurities which cause them to lash out.

• Vain

They are obsessed with what other people think about them. They will put others down to make themselves seem better than they are. They are obsessed with attention and will often play the victim if needed.

• Manipulative

They will often lie and pin people against each other. They will isolate people and are prepared to do anything to get what they want. Often, they undermine others around them so much that they start to question their own judgement, not their ex.

Does this ring any alarm bells?

Leaving a narcissist is daunting. A client once told me that her ex would do everything in his power to destroy her so that she ended up in a shoe box on the Stray with nothing but her children.

But she held her nerve and took the plunge, broke free and now has a very comfortable life that is all hers.

If, like her, you know deep down that you need to leave but you do not know what to do, the best thing that you can do is get specialist advice from a divorce lawyer who knows what you are dealing with.

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Harrogate Justice Centre has reopened today for the first time since lockdown to deal with a backlog in cases.

The centre, which encompasses both the Magistrates and County courts, is opening with social distancing guidelines in place.

From Monday to Wednesday this week it will solely deal with family law matters before it moves onto criminal matters on Thursday.

Ministry of Justice (MOJ) officials have assessed Harrogate Justice Centre and approved it to hold socially-distanced hearings.

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The Harrogate Justice Centre has put out stickers to mark where people can queue at a safe distance and blocked off the waiting area outside.

Around 159 courts and tribunals service locations have remained open throughout the pandemic and close to 100 more have reopened since the start of April.

Stickers for socially distanced queues outside the court.

There is a major backlog in cases which has been made worse by the lockdown. There were 483,678 cases waiting in Magistrates courts and 40,526 cases waiting in Crown courts in May according to the Criminal Bar Association (CBA).

But Caroline Goodwin QC, who is chair of the CBA, said that the courts estate is “on its knees” and has been for a long time.

“It is pretty low really to suggest that the backlog which we know is a pre COVID-19 issue and practically has nothing to do with COVID-19 is in fact due to COVID-19. What we are facing is a culmination of mismanagement and years of starving the system of investment. We are not blind.”

The MOJ has also started to identify suitable venues to house so-called ‘Nightingale’ courts.

These would use public spaces, such as civic centres or university moot courts, to allow traditional court buildings to manage more work while maintaining social distancing.

Currently, Harrogate Justice Centre is not aware of any ‘Nightingale’ courts planned in its area.