How Harrogate Family Law can help if you are a victim of coercive control

This article is sponsored by Harrogate Family Law.

Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse in which a person attempts to exert an unreasonable, oppressive amount of control over their partner’s life.

Harrogate Family Law are specialists in this area and they are helping a growing number to resolve the difficult situation.

Abuse does not have to be physical or sexual to be an offence. Coercive control can include emotional and psychological abuse and can be very subtle, so is harder to identify.

By its very nature, coercive control can instil confusion and self-doubt in the victim, but Harrogate Family Law can help you be clear about what is taking place and prepare a safe route out of the situation for you and your family.

Andrew Meehan, director of Harrogate Family Law, said:

“We are getting clients from all over the country who are married to a controlling, narcissistic spouse. They have often been controlled financially and emotionally and have been kept in the dark about money. They often don’t have a clear picture of how much things cost and how they can afford to pay for things.

“We can offer advice and help them to move forward with a secure financial future.”

What are the signs of coercive control?

There are clear indications that the relationship you are in has spiralled towards coercive control, even if you have received no physical harm and the relationship is not necessarily “toxic”.

Coercive control happens when:

Mr Meehan has offered his three top tips on what to do if you think you are a victim of coercive control.

You are not alone

“There are a lot of people in the same situation. They are often conditioned to think there is no way out for them and they are effectively trapped.

“But their situation is something we see a lot of and something we can sort out for them. The situation is not hopeless.”

Get legal advice early 

“We have a niche in dealing with people who have been controlled by spouses or those who are married to a narcissist. We have got clients from all over the country and overseas looking for our expertise.

“Speak to a solicitor who understands how to deal with these kinds of people.”

Everyone’s situation is different

“Try to come to your first meeting as prepared as possible so that the advice we give can be as tailored to your circumstances as much as possible.

“This is difficult if your finances are being controlled. However, have a think about what you do know and we can take things from there. We can then be prepared to deal with what is most important to you.”

For a confidential chat with one of Harrogate Family Law’s expert solicitors regarding coercive control, call 01423 594 680 or email enquiries@harrogatefamilylaw.co.uk

COLUMN: Are you married to a narcissist?

This legal column is written by family lawyer, Laura Mounsey. Laura is a partner at Harrogate Family Law. She specialises in dealing with divorced couples and people who have been in abusive relationships. Her role involves protecting her clients’ assets and income if they want to live with someone or get married and resolving disagreements about children. In this column, she discusses the red flags to look out for that indicate you may be married to a narcissist and how to get out.

I have experienced the trauma of divorcing a narcissist first-hand. I am now a lawyer who specialises in helping people who are terrified of standing up to them.

Typically, I find that many of my clients have been conditioned to think that they have no self-worth. They have been controlled and bullied for years. They believe that any wrongdoing is their fault and that they do not deserve any better. The idea of saying “enough is enough” paralyses them with fear; so worn down, they feel trapped with no way out.

Over time, I have heard many people who sit in front of me say that their ex is:

They tell them what to do and what not to do. They are scolded for “stepping out of line”. However, the rules always change, and they never win. Instead, they live their lives walking on eggshells.

They think they are superior and expect that others cater to, and admire, them. Even though they have inflated self-esteem, beneath it, hides crippling insecurities which cause them to lash out.

They are obsessed with what other people think about them. They will put others down to make themselves seem better than they are. They are obsessed with attention and will often play the victim if needed.

They will often lie and pin people against each other. They will isolate people and are prepared to do anything to get what they want. Often, they undermine others around them so much that they start to question their own judgement, not their ex.

Does this ring any alarm bells?

Leaving a narcissist is daunting. A client once told me that her ex would do everything in his power to destroy her so that she ended up in a shoe box on the Stray with nothing but her children.

But she held her nerve and took the plunge, broke free and now has a very comfortable life that is all hers.

If, like her, you know deep down that you need to leave but you do not know what to do, the best thing that you can do is get specialist advice from a divorce lawyer who knows what you are dealing with.

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