Laura’s Law is a monthly legal column, written by family lawyer, Laura Mounsey. Laura is a partner at Harrogate Family Law. She specialises in dealing with divorced couples and people who have been in abusive relationships. Her role involves protecting her clients’ assets and income if they want to live with someone or get married and resolving disagreements about children.
This week Laura advises on what you should be prepared for if you’re thinking of getting a divorce.
Many people are terrified about getting divorced. The idea of splitting up, particularly when you have children, can be almost too painful to bear. It is one of the most difficult things to go through. I can’t pretend that it isn’t, but I do find that the more than people understand how to weather the storm, the better.
If you are thinking of getting a divorce, it is helpful to prepare yourself.
1. Feeling like it will never end
It can take people a long time to decide that enough is enough, they need a divorce. In my experience, making that decision itself is a relief. However, that is the beginning and not the end. Often, it can feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel once you have taken that first step. It can feel overwhelming, and sometimes it is difficult to hold your nerve.
However, I have seen that with the right team around you, you will get through it and often find yourself stronger than ever.
2. Feeling like your friends have not stuck around
Many people tell me that just when they needed their friends to rally around them more than ever, they found them more distant than ever. Divorce can be very divisive with mutual friends. It can be painful to question whose side your friends are on. I find that they fear speaking up about how they feel. Often, people feel like they are having to fight over yet another thing – who gets to keep which friends.
You should remember that if you lose a few people along the way, this will only clear room for new positive and meaningful friendships.
3. Feeling like your ex has become someone that you do not recognise
You may think that you know your soon-to-be-ex inside and out. However, divorce can make people behave in a way that you never even knew was possible. Many find that their ex goes into survival mode, rather than being on their side. This can leave you feeling vulnerable because you don’t feel able to trust your ex anymore, or know what to expect next.
It is important to accept that you will have your own agendas now, and you will need to find some common ground to reach an agreement that is fair to both of you.
4. Feeling like you aren’t doing enough to protect your children
As a parent your instinct is to protect your child from being hurt. This can mean that you and your ex will go to extreme lengths to try to keep everything as normal as possible, but it can often feel like it is not enough. Many people feel very guilty, which is much more difficult to overcome if your ex won’t work with you. When you are trying to look after yourself too, this can leave you feeling drained.
Don’t feel bad if you find your children are struggling. This is normal. Support is there from friends, family, school and other professionals. You will not be alone.
Sound familiar?
Even if you are the person who is initiating the divorce, you will need to give yourself time to adjust to a new way of life and the loss of your previous one. Nobody enters into marriage expecting it to end and the fact that it is ending can bring with it feelings of failure, regret, guilt and loneliness. It can also feel scary and uncertain at times.
These are completely normal emotions to be experiencing and are part of a healthy healing process. You will need to re-discover yourself and re-gain control by setting some new personal and financial goals. Now is a time to try new hobbies, meet new people, do some things on your bucket list, treat yourself and get back to who you want to be.
Thirty two new covid cases in district reported today
There have been thirty two new positive covid cases in the Harrogate district. It’s the highest daily figure this week.
In total the region has seen 3,667 cases since the start of the pandemic and 100 deaths of patients who tested positive for the virus at Harrogate District Hospital.
The figure for new cases across the UK today showed a further 16,298 positive cases.
The Harrogate district has a 7 day rate of 84.6 cases per 100,000. Scarborough still has the highest number of positive case in North Yorkshire with a 7 day rate of 148 per 100,000.
Calendar’s Christine Talbot opens new Martin House store in RiponITV Calendar’s Christine Talbot has officially opened the new Martin House store in Ripon.
It’s the thirteenth shop for the charity in the region and was due to open in November. The charity’s shops, along with its furniture showroom, raise around £1.2 million each year to support the charity.
Martin House in Wetherby cares for babies, children and young people with life-limiting conditions from across West, North and East Yorkshire, providing respite care, emergency care, end of life care and bereavement support.
Christine, who is an ambassador for Martin House, said:
“I’m very proud to support Martin House, and I’m thrilled to be able to open this lovely new shop, which will help to raise money for an amazing local charity.”
Stephanie Rimmington, head of retail at Martin House, said:
Harrogate Covid Co-Operation raises money for Xmas gifts for kids“We’re delighted to open this new shop in Ripon. There have been some real challenges to overcome as a result of the pandemic, but we’re looking forward to welcoming new customers, and becoming part of the Ripon community.
The pandemic has had a huge impact on our ability raise money, which makes it all the more important for our shops to do well, so we hope the people of Ripon will support us.”
Covid Co-Operation Harrogate has successfully raised £2,400 to buy Xmas gifts for disadvantaged children in the district.
The “Smiles, Not Tears” campaign Crowdfunded the money in just over a month.
Covid Co-Operation Harrogate has 10,500 members in its Facebook group and was set up as a community support group before the first lockdown. Its co-founder Susie Little said the appeal for money is directly due to the pandemic.
“People have contacted me privately outside the group and are struggling. I thought if they can’t afford food how can their parents afford gifts for their children at Christmas? And how do you understand that as a child? It’s very upsetting. “
The group will now work with a number of local charities such as New Beginnings and IDAS (both support women and families who have been the victims of domestic abuse) and Grove Road Primary School to coordinate buying and delivering the gifts to children. The aim is to buy the presents from local independent stores.
Ms Little said she was delighted by the response and thanked all those who had donated:
“This appeal is directly related to covid. People have faced redundancy and having the kids at home more- that means more food and heating the home. Everything is more expensive if you’re at home and have lost your job.
I’m proud and delighted by the success of this appeal, and again, by the extraordinary generosity of the people of Harrogate…this initiative will mean lots of smiles on Christmas Day, rather than tears. Thank you to everyone who has donated and helped to make such a difference to these children and their parents.”
Ashville College Headmaster dies of cancer aged 48
Tributes have been paid to Ashville College’s tenth Headmaster, Richard Marshall, who has lost his battle with cancer at the age of just 48.
Mr Marshall joined Ashville three years ago from Bury Grammar School for Boys.
Today Jamie Search, Chair of Governors, described Mr Marshall as an “outstanding leader who has been tragically taken from us far too early”.
Elspeth Fisher, Ashville College Acting Head, said it was
“an incredibly sad day for Ashville College and the wider Ashville family”,
Ian Brown, President of the Ashvillian Society, added “we will remember the many ways Richard positively impacted on so many Ashville lives”
Highlights of Mr Marshall’s Ashville headship saw record numbers of pupils on the school register, the launch of Ashville International Kindergarten and Nursery in Lantau Island, Hong Kong, and Ashville winning accreditation to the New England Association of Schools and Colleges (NEASC), an international association that works to establish and maintain high standards within education.
Mr Marshall was a graduate of University of Birmingham and had an MSc in Science Communication from Imperial College London.
He described himself as “loving technology” and was an advocate of using technology in the classroom to improve pupil outcomes.
His three young children, Ethan, Emily and Harry, became Ashville pupils the same day he became its Headmaster, with his wife, Kym, joining the teaching staff. Today she holds the role as Deputy Head of Prep School (Academic).
A service celebrating Mr Marshall’s life will be held at a later date.
Donations can be made in his memory to Saint Michael’s Hospice here.
Police investigating Killinghall burglary appeal for joggerPolice are appealing for a jogger to come forward to help with an investigation into a burglary.
At about 7.30pm on Friday night, police were called to a house in Killinghall. The burglars had threatened the people living in the home and had then made off with cash and other items.
A jogger who was out running the following morning found a mobile phone and handed it in to Harrogate Police Station.
However, they did not leave their contact details.
Officers are appealing for them to come forward as a witness as they may have information that could assist the investigation.
North Yorkshire Police have arrested two men in connection with the incident. They remain in custody at this time.
If you have an information please contact North Yorkshire Police on 101, quoting reference number 12200211798.
Twenty two new covid cases in district reported todayThere have been 22 further cases of coronavirus reported in the Harrogate district today.
The figure brings the total number of cases since the pandemic started to 3,558.
There were no further deaths reported at Harrogate District Hospital of patients who tested positive for covid-19.
To date, there have been 99 coronavirus deaths in total after it reported one more death yesterday.
It also comes as North Yorkshire prepares to move into tier two restrictions on Wednesday as the national lockdown ends.
Unloved Northern pacer train makes its final journey
Northern rail has finally bid farewell to its fleet of outdated pacer trains. The last pacer to carry Northern customers completed its journey yesterday having travelled from Kirkby to Manchester.
Pacer trains have been running for 35 years and news of their final retirement will be welcomed by many travellers who had to endure overcrowded, uncomfortable journeys on them on the Harrogate line.
They had become a political symbol of under-investment in rail transport in the north and their replacement has been long overdue.
Chris Jackson, Regional Director at Northern, said:
“The pacers have kept millions of northerners on the move and, while they have served us well and provided some communities with rail services they may have otherwise lost, it is time to give them a well-earned rest.
“Northern has overseen significant modernisation in recent months and the retiring pacers have made way for a fleet of 100 brand-new trains which are already servicing people across the north of England.”
Grant Shapps, Transport Secretary with Cabinet Responsibility for the Northern Powerhouse, said:
“The pacer fleet has connected communities on the Northern network for over 30 years, but today marks the sun finally setting on trains that have become loved by some, but hated by many.
“This marks a new era of transport in the north, with passengers enjoying a brand new fleet of trains, delivering more modern services and creating a more reliable network across the north.”
For many commuters though the pacer stayed on the tracks for too long and investment should have come sooner.
31 new positive coronavirus cases in Harrogate districtThirty one new people have tested positive for coronavirus in the district. It brings the total number of people who’ve had covid in the district to 3,381 since the start of the pandemic.
There have been no further reported deaths of patients who tested positive for covid-19 at Harrogate District Hospital.
Meanwhile, the district’s seven-day rate continues to track below the national average.
Currently, it stands at 203 per 100,000 people compared with the England average of 248.
The weekly covid rate fell below the England average this week for the first time since October.
IMAGE GALLERY: Pateley Bridge is lit up for Christmas
The shops may be shut and the special late night opening in December cancelled, but Pateley Bridge is lit up and ready for Christmas ..
