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20
Sept
My abuser ruined my childhood. Now I’m building my life going forward
Warning: This story contains sexually graphic details that some readers may find very distressing.
“I often wonder what my life could have been like, had I not taken that Saturday job”, Joe says.
In the mid-1990s, Joe – whose name has been changed by the Stray Ferret to protect his identity – worked a rather mundane Saturday job at a shop in Harrogate.
He was a regular teenager; he enjoyed school, playing football and spending time with his friends.
But all that changed when one man became a regular customer at his workplace.
Adrian Phipps was last month jailed for more than four years for repeatedly sexually abusing Joe – a child at the time – three decades ago.
What Joe was subjected to is unthinkable and his life has since been blighted by mental turmoil and substance misuse.
But Joe approached the Stray Ferret to tell his story and, hopefully, encourage other victims to report similar abuse.
“He used to come into the shop quite regularly… he’d come in and chat and would be a bit over the top”, Joe says.
Phipps – now 66 but in his mid-30s at the time – would linger at a side door of the shop, which led directly to the area where Joe worked.
Joe likens Phipps to Jimmy Saville – a big character whose popularity once helped mask his predatory behaviour.
He would ask things like: ‘what colour underwear are you wearing?’ Just sort of inappropriate questions, but in a way that was kind of jokey, so we wouldn’t make too much of it. It was brushed off.
Phipps’ behaviour was excused by others, as Joe said people just described it as “Phipps being Phipps”.
But he soon became physical with Joe:
He just wouldn’t leave me alone. I think he was pushing it with a few of the younger lads – see how far he could go with it. It became a regular thing on a Saturday at the shop.
He’d approach me, start getting a bit hands-on, touchy-feely. It wasn’t touching in any intimate places to start with – more like arm touching and leg brushing – and I’d try to push him away, but I didn’t think I could tell anyone because of the way he was and the way everyone knew him.
Phipps would follow Joe down a flight of stairs at the shop, which led to a basement and staff toilet area.
Still in sight of customers and staff members, Phipps would “use his joviality” as he followed Joe downstairs, but his demeanour quickly changed once they were alone.
“That’s when the evilness came out in him that only I saw. Once he’d done what he wanted to do, he’d just carry on as his normal, jokey, Jimmy Saville-type self", Joe says.
Phipps would force himself on Joe, performing oral sex acts on him and touching his genitals.
Joe said Phipps “battered me down so much, I think I just gave into it”, adding:
I just thought to myself, ‘it’ll be over in probably less than a minute and it’ll be done’.
The sexual abuse went on for more than a year, Joe believes, and was the result of Phipps’ relentless grooming tactics.
A jury at York Crown Court found Phipps guilty of two counts of indecently assaulting Joe but acquitted him of a further six counts.
How did Joe feel?
During the trial, Joe told the court he has been left with feelings of "self-loathing" and "guilt" in the years following.
But Joe, a young teenager at the time whose body and hormones were constantly changing, said his first reaction was utter confusion.
Joe told the Stray Ferret he was terrified to tell anyone about what happened to him, believing his admissions would be “brushed off”.
He doesn’t recall Phipps demanding the abuse be kept a secret, but instead his abuser tried to convince him he enjoyed it:
He would just say: 'you’re enjoying this aren’t you?'
Joe eventually got a different job and the abuse “fizzled out”, but the trauma has stained Joe’s life ever since.
He struggled to focus during school and left with poor exam results, before going “off the rails” in his teens until his 30s.
Joe was extremely candid when he spoke to the Stray Ferret and openly shared how the abuse has impacted him.
Overcome with trauma, Joe turned to alcohol to self-medicate. He said:
I was very much alcohol-dependent to block out the images. I still get intrusive images that pop up in my mind, panic attacks are getting gradually better, but my way of coping was to block it out with alcohol.
Joe admits his alcoholism ruined his relationships – both familial and romantic – and his destructive behaviour was soon labelled as “Joe just being Joe”.
“That’s the only way I felt I could deal with what happened”, he adds.
This continued for more than 20 years, leading to Joe being hospitalised on numerous occasions.
He often wonders what life could have been like had he never taken that Saturday job. But, Joe says, he feels most hurt by his childhood being ruined and his choices being taken away from him.
The investigation
The impact of the abuse still haunts Joe and will likely continue to do so for the rest of his life.
But what gave Joe the courage to finally admit what happened to him?
The honest answer is because I was in that much of a pit of alcoholism, it was either I need to come clean with this story or the alcohol was going to kill me. It was that black and white.
Joe praised North Yorkshire Police and its investigation into the historic sex abuse after reporting it in 2021.
He first called 101 and within 24 hours an officer arrived at his home to speak to him about what he had endured.
Joe also discussed a police procedure many people might not be aware of:
I had told my older brother and my partner, so my partner sat with me when I was telling the police. Within about a week I got another phone call asking me to go to a safe house.
It’s weird, you go to this house, and it just looks like a normal house. It’s got a washing machine, a fridge and a front room. But then you go upstairs and it’s like a recording studio – it’s a bit like a film set with all the cameras set up. I think they do video interviews there because they feel like the police station probably isn’t the best location for something like that.
Joe never expected Phipps to be prosecuted, let alone convicted, and admits he contacted the police as a way of “getting it off my chest”.
He said the police were open and honest with him, praising the force’s communication, and felt he was always listened to.
More than three years after being arrested, Phipps' trial opened at York Crown Court on July 7 this year, when he vehemently denied ever abusing Joe. In fact, Phipps claimed Joe had “made it up”.
Phipps' defence also claimed he had learning difficulties and a low IQ and had lost his accommodation not long before the trial.
Joe only attended one day of the trial, when he gave evidence, but he said the process was “awful”.
Seeing photos of the shop where he worked and was later abused was particularly difficult, he adds.
Phipps was found guilty of two counts of indecent assault against Joe. He pleaded guilty to three counts of making indecent images of another boy before the trial started.
He was jailed for four years and four months, issued a sexual harm prevention order, barred from ever working with children and placed on the sex offenders’ register for life.
Joe said:
I was just so pleased the judge saw through his b******* excuse.
‘I am trying to build my life going forward’
Joe told the Stray Ferret the abuse he suffered “shaped my life horrendously" from his teens until 2021.
He was a totally different person, he says, and feels as though much of his life has been stolen from him.
But now four years sober and actively working on his mental health, he wants to begin moving forward. He said:
I am just trying to build my life going forward, you know, in a positive way with lots of help from professionals.
The EMDR [eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing] therapy I’m having is really helping with flashbacks and I’m trying to reinforce some positivity in me moving forward.
Joe harboured this secret for nearly 30 years. When we asked why he approached the media to share his story, Joe said:
I think it’s important to get the story out there and try and deter it happening to anyone else. I think the media can cover the powerful message that the police actually listen and will do whatever they can to find justice for the victims of childhood sex abuse, or any crime committed, so people aren’t alone. That was a big thing for me. I was thinking to myself all those years ago, ‘I’m the only one.’
And what is Joe’s advice to anyone who might be in a similar position?
It would be to anyone, no matter how difficult it is, just to try and find a way to come forward with what’s happened to them. I never thought I’d be in the position that I’m in now.
I feel pleased. It’s something that ate away at me, like a cancer, really, and to come out of the other side is a long journey. But it’s one that is going to have a positive effect on the rest of my life moving forward.
The abuse Joe endured has tormented him for most of his life, but his immense bravery in reporting what happened to him and sharing his story with the Stray Ferret will, hopefully, encourage other victims to report abuse – no matter when it occurred.
He wants people to know they will be listened to.
The Stray Ferret covers local court cases more than any other news organisation and, in doing so, we shine a light on cases like Joe's and help him tell his story to the wider public.
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