Handling Christmas after divorce: A Harrogate dad’s story

This article is sponsored by Berwins

Family breakdown is never easy, but Christmas can be a particularly distressing time for separated parents and their children.

There is an unrealistic expectation that the festive period should be be perfect, not helped by increasing pressure caused by social media.

This often leads to feelings of anger, frustration and upset when that “perfect” family Christmas can’t be made into a reality.

Arguments can start over where the children will be on Christmas Day. There can also be disagreements about whether new partners should be spending time with the children at Christmas, as well as issues with money.

But it doesn’t always have to be difficult.

Harrogate dad Alex separated from his wife in 2010, when his daughter was three-years-old.

Tough

He described how the first two Christmases apart were a struggle, but then gradually improved in future years thanks to good communication.

He said:

“In that first year it was all quite recent and a little raw. Christmas morning was spent separately at our respective parents, and my daughter was with her mum.

“We then met in a neutral venue, a pub in a rural village, and had a drink and I got to spend some time with my daughter.

“That first year was incredibly tough and getting in the car and driving away from her later in the afternoon was particularly hard.

“The following year my daughter spent the morning with my ex-wife, and then came to my house. It was a little too upsetting for all parties, particularly for my daughter as she just wanted to play with her new things.”

However, as a result, they both agreed that they would then take it in turns each year, which he says has worked out better for everyone ever since.

He said:

“When she is not with us, we have a separate faux Christmas Day and meal on another day as near to the big day as we can, but there is no substitute to having her with you on the day itself.”

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Alex continues to have a good relationship with his ex-wife and says this makes it easier when it comes to Christmas festivities.

He said:

“I think when you have children, the focus of the day itself changes anyway, and you realise that the enjoyment comes from experiencing it through their eyes.

“Once both parties accept that, it’s easy to keep it amicable as you will do everything you can to make it special for the children involved.

“As with every aspect of co-parenting, communication is the key, and if you can keep in touch and keep it friendly (sometimes through gritted teeth), then it makes everything so much better for you and your children.

“I genuinely think my daughter has a wonderful time at Christmas. She gets spoiled by both sides of her family and gets to have two Christmas Days every year.”

Advice

Stephen Root, director of Berwins Solicitors, based in Harrogate, has shared his advice on arrangements for children over the Christmas period.

He said:

Sainsbury’s sets opening date for Harrogate town centre store

Sainsbury’s has confirmed that its new store in Harrogate town centre will finally open next month.

The Sainsbury’s Local on Cambridge Street will welcome customers on January 13. The supermarket chain had hoped to open in the summer but only received planning permission in July.

The store will create about 25 jobs and some roles are still available.

Surplus food from the store will go to Harrogate District Foodbank, which has partnered with Sainsbury’s to help those who need it most.

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New store manager Simon Wilton said:

“I’m delighted to confirm the opening date for our new store and we’re really looking forward to welcoming customers from next month. My colleagues and I are working hard to get everything ready for opening.

“It’s been a fantastic team effort so far and we can’t wait to bring our passion for food and brilliant customer service to Cambridge Street.”

The development will bring the former Topshop unit at 33-37 Cambridge Street back into use after four years.

The developer plans to split the building into three separate units. Sainsbury’s occupies the largest on the left side.

Skipton Building Society is also planning to move in but it is unclear at this stage which business will take on the third unit.

The new sport taking the Harrogate district by storm

A relatively new sport that is a cross between tennis and squash is taking the Harrogate district by storm.

Padel is played between four players on reduced sized tennis courts. Competitors use paddle racquets and can bounce the ball off walls.

Nicky Horn, a Harrogate coach who has played the sport for 10 years, said she has seen a remarkable amount of interest in the sport in recent months.

She pointed to courts being built at Hornbeam Park in Harrogate, which is expected to see six new dedicated courts, and planned new courts at Ripon Tennis Club as an example of its booming demand.

Since the first covid lockdown, Harrogate Sports and Fitness Centre has also seen high demand for its padel courts on Hookstone Wood Road.

A game of padel tennis in Harrogate.

A game of padel tennis in Harrogate.

Nicky said she expects to see padel’s popularity increase further over the next five years now that the Lawn Tennis Association oversees the sport.

She said:

“It’s really taking off.

“It’s a reasonably accessible sport because the players can hit the ball easier.”

‘Largest female padel tennis match’

Nicky played padel in Spain before returning to Harrogate to take up two teams. She currently coaches Harrogate and Rawdon on a Monday and Saturday.

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Last weekend, the two teams got together to play a game which Nicky believes was the largest female padel match in the UK.

Despite the cold conditions, 32 players, who ranged from eight-years-old to 80, turned up to take part as Harrogate Sports and Fitness Centre.

Nicky said:

“Everyone had lots of fun.

“Some of our players were squash players and some were tennis players, but everybody loved it.”

6,000 players in the UK

The local boom has been reflected across the country.

With more than 6.000 padel players in the UK, according to the LTA, the sport is one of the fastest growing in the country.

Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp and Ballon D’or winning footballer, Lionel Messi, are also reported to be players of the sport.

Here are 10 facts you might not know about padel, from the LTA:

All of the lights: Where you can see some of the district’s best Christmas displays

At this time of year, we don’t always want to splash the cash when it comes to enjoying some festive fun.

And thanks to the creativity and hard work of the district’s residents, we certainly don’t need to.

One night this week after the school run, we hopped in the car, stuck on some Wham! and Shakey and took our two boys, aged three and eight, for a Christmas lights tour.

We all had a total blast and apart from fuel costs, it didn’t cost a penny.

So here’s a rough guide on where you can take the kids to see some fabulous lights across the Harrogate district – for free!

Crossways Drive (near Morrison’s), Harrogate

The residents on Crossways Drive understood the assignment and have created some amazing light displays. There is a moving Santa and sleigh and more coloured lights than you can shake a jingle bell at.

This was the boys’ favourite street, as most of the houses were lit up.

Crossways Drive

Crossways Drive

Sutton Grange Close, Lindrick Way and Norwich Drive, Jennyfields, Harrogate

Residents in Jennyfields are known for going all out at Christmas and it has long been a popular part of Harrogate to view the impressive displays. And this year it did not disappoint.

The boys loved the inflatable Christmas characters and found it hilarious (probably more than it should have been) that one of the Santas had fallen over. He had clearly had one too many sherries.

Sutton Grange Close

Sutton Grange Close

Sutton Grange Close

Lindrick Way

Norwich Drive

Norwich Drive is also the street where you can see an incredible Christmas display unlike any other in the district for charity.

Dale Hughes, is hoping to raise spirits and £1,000 for Martin House Hospice.

He has painstakingly installed and individually programmed 24,000 low-energy LEDs.

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From 5pm until 7.30pm his house will light up and will play a loop of around 20 songs over an hour.

Watch the amazing video of one of his displays here.

Dale Hughes is the man behind the show on Norwich Drive.

Mayfield Terrace, Harrogate 

Harrogate man Paul Ivison’s latest quirky garden creation has a festive theme and includes 13 Christmas trees, more than1,000 lights and hundreds of toys.

Mr Ivison has lived in his house on Mayfield Terrace for 15 years and each year decorates his garden with different themes. When the Stray Ferret visited in the summer, he had created a loud and proud mental health-themed garden, which raised £137 for Mind.

And in winter, he changed the theme again to “Toytropolis”,  after bargain hunting on Facebook marketplace to buy more than 200 toys to make children and their parents smile. He is now selling the toys to raise money for a Visa for his husband, who lives in the Philippines.

Mr Ivison said:

“It has been a terrific reaction and I’ve had a lot of people saying it makes them smile. I’ve had people coming late at night to see it and parents bringing little kids in to show them toys they used to have when they were younger.

“I’ve made about £150 so far and everyone who buys a toy gets a freebie as well.

“You get a lot of people driving past, as I also have a big flag on the roof, which says ‘Happy Christmas’, and people stop and get out to have a look.”

Mr Ivison is already planning his spring garden, which will have a “pride and celebrity” theme, featuring 300 photographs of celebrities he has met over the years as a result of his time at the helm of an LGBTQ+ magazine.

You can visit “Christmas at Toytropolis” on the corner of Mayfield Grove and Mayfield Terrace, with the trees remaining on display until January 9 and the garden opening from 10am until 6pm.

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Finden Gardens, Hampsthwaite

The residents of Finden Gardens decorate their bungalows each year, much to the delight of the school children who walk past each day.

The boys absolutely loved the carol singers and tobogganers in one of the gardens, which is also decked out in fake snow, Christmas trees and lots of lights.

Finden Gardens 

Minskip, near Boroughbridge

This is such a pretty village anyway, and it’s even more beautiful at Christmas thanks to the creative displays that line either side of the high street. If you look closely you may even spot the Grinch!

One of the houses has even generously put out sweets for local children next to some lollipop and toadstool decorations, which went down a treat!

We tied this trip in with a festive visit to Yolk Farm, a family favourite, which is lovely at this time of year.

Minskip

Minskip

Harrogate’s home for witches, spells and crystal balls

Mystical Ways in Westminster Arcade is not your typical high street shop.

This month it moved to a bigger location in the arcade on Parliament Street to accommodate Harrogate’s first tarot card reading room.

It’s owned by Jay Clarke and Joanne Mayben, self-declared witches who say they can summon energy and communicate with spirits.

Believers can buy dreamcatchers to ward off nightmares, crystals to summon good energy and incense, which can help cast spells that attract money, love, protection or light.

Ms Mayben said she gave up a potential job with the police to follow her dream of being a spiritual medium and tarot card reader full time, but some people in her home of Pateley Bridge were critical of her choice.

“Someone said ‘oh my god, you shouldn’t be practicing the arts of the devil!’

“Movies have made witches evil. I’m an electric witch. I’m drawn to fire, crystals and candles.”

The two are dressed head to toe in black, but Mr Clarke insists it’s nothing to fear:

“We wear black not because we’re gothy or scary. People are scared of black, but it’s the best colour for repelling negative energy.

“In life, there is no light without dark, you have to have that balance.”

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Mr Clarke said Harrogate has an undercover community of people into spiritualism and mediumship.

“Some people are ‘in the closet’ and they might sneak in to buy a crystal.”

They say there is a big demand for tarot readings, which are available Monday to Saturday from 10am until 4pm, costing £25 for 30 minutes.

Practitioners such as Ms Mayben use tarot cards to purportedly gain insight into someone’s past, present or future.

Mr Clarke said:

“We don’t bullshit. The cards don’t lie and we don’t either, if something negative appears in the cards we’d work you through that.”

Ms Mayben saw the Stray Ferret reporter’s white dog in her crystal ball

Skeptics say tarot readings are fake, and some people are put off by negative experiences with mediums on Scarborough seafront, but Ms Mayben encourages anyone visiting the shop to have an open mind.

She says she can also communicate with spirits — just don’t call them dead people.

“I have been poked and pushed in the face by a spirit, sometimes I get clear words”.

Ms Mayben says one of her gifts is summoning and understanding energy, so what sort of energy does Harrogate have?

She says:

“Harrogate could be so much more. Everything is asleep and it’s laying dormant, but we are here to wake it up.”

Harrogate train line boost with extra service every hour

Northern has introduced an additional service on the Leeds, Harrogate and York line, meaning there will now be two trains every hour.

The train provider held a launch event yesterday at Knaresborough station, which is one of the stations to benefit from the extra capacity.

Representatives from North Yorkshire County Council and Harrogate Borough Council, York & North Yorkshire Local Enterprise Partnership and Harrogate and Knaresborough MP Andrew Jones attended.

Network Rail carried out a £9.8 million upgrade of the signalling system and track layout to facilitate extra trains this time last year.

York & North Yorkshire Local Enterprise Partnership secured £9.6m for the work from the government’s Local Growth Fund.

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Mr Jones said:

“This investment in local rail is much-needed and welcomed.

“The signalling upgrade and the improvement project will see more and faster services operating between Leeds, Harrogate and York.

“This is one more in a long list of improvements in our rail services which have seen more direct services to and from London and improved rolling stock on the local line.

“It is fantastic news that we have been able to double the capacity on this section of the line.”

North Yorkshire County Councillor Don Mackenzie, executive member for access, said:

“This timetable improvement, which owes much to the county council’s £10m track and signals upgrade scheme of last year, complements our transport priority of improving east-west connectivity across the county and region.

“The enhanced timetable is another step towards encouraging people to use public transport rather than their cars. It also supports the visitor economy and anticipates growth in residential and commercial development along the A59 corridor.”

Pictured are: (left to right) Andrew Jones MP, David Dickson (chair of York and North Yorkshire LEP), Cllr Don Mackenzie (North Yorkshire County Council), Tony Baxter (Northern regional director) and Wallace Sampson (Chief Exec at Harrogate Borough Council).

Harrogate hotel suffers £100,000 cancellations due to Omicron

A Harrogate hospitality business has claimed the government has thrown the industry “under the bus” since the Omicron variant hit the country.

Peter Banks, managing director of Rudding Park Hotel and Spa, said his business had seen £100,000 worth of cancellations due to covid recently.

He blamed mixed messaging from government and called on Chancellor Rishi Sunak to offer more support to hospitality businesses.

Mr Banks told the Stray Ferret:

“The government’s lack of clarity has thrown the hospitality industry under the bus.

“They need to make a decision. They either come out with a clear message, go out or do not go out.

“I’m lucky that I have a wide enough base of business to draw upon, but there will be businesses that will struggle.”

Mr Banks added that most of his cancellations were corporate clients worried about the possibility of spreading covid among their employees.

He echoed calls from other hospitality firms across the country, which have urged Mr Sunak to offer more support, such as an extension to the VAT cut and business rates relief, to help the industry.

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Mr Banks said hospitality firms, especially those in city and town centres, “could do with some assistance”.

Sara Ferguson, chair of Harrogate Business Improvement District and owner of two local restaurants, said cancellation of Christmas parties was having a financial impact on Harrogate’s key hospitality sector.

She said:

“As soon the Prime Minister announced wearing masks in shops and on public transport was mandatory, hospitality industry trade began dropping away. And this was made worse with the work from home message.

“Christmas parties being cancelled at short notice is proving a financial nightmare, particularly as venues will have already ordered in the food and drink, and there’s no one taking these places.

“December is usually boom time for the hospitality trade, and many businesses rely on the takings from this month to see them through the quieter months of January and February.

“Sadly, for many this won’t be the case this year, and I fear that a number of businesses will be forced to close their doors come the new year.”

Ms Ferguson, who owns Sasso and Caffe Marconi, agreed that the industry needed support from Mr Sunak. She said:

“While there is no official lockdown yet, the message from politicians has resulted in the public shutting themselves away, and as a result there definitely needs to be some sort of financial support offered to the hospitality industry.”

David Simister, chief executive of Harrogate District Chamber of Commerce, said:

“Walking through town this lunchtime there were plenty of empty tables in pubs, bard and restaurants.

“Within hours of the Prime Minister announcing we all had to wear facemasks in shops and on buses and trains, businesses started cancelling their staff Christmas parties at hotels. And that is continuing at a pace.

“However, it’s not just the venues themselves who have lost vital revenue from food and drink sales, it’s the suppliers and staff who are out of pocket too.

“And come January, when ‘bounce back’ loans start to be repaid, I think we could see a lot of businesses in real trouble.

“The health of the economy is in a critical condition, and there needs to be some form of emergency financial aid for these businesses who are suffering through to no fault of their own.”

Chancellor urged to support hospitality

Yesterday, the chancellor cut short a trip to California after holding talks with hospitality firms via video link.

Mr Sunak has been under growing pressure to come up with support for hospitality as record covid numbers hammer takings.

Previous support offered to businesses, such as furlough, has already ended, while a 12.5% VAT cut is set to finish in March.

UK Hospitality, which represents firms across the country, has also called for business rates in the first quarter of 2022 to be deferred.

The government has not placed any restrictions on hospitality firms amid rising covid cases. However, Prime Minister Boris Johnson urged people on Wednesday to “think carefully” before socialising.

200 people sign petition to save Harrogate M&S cafe

More than 200 people have signed a petition opposing the closure of the cafe in Marks & Spencer‘s store on Leeds Road, Harrogate.

The company wants to increase the size of its food hall at Oatlands by more than 70% and extend into the neighbouring Sofa.com retail unit.

But the plans would also see the closure of the cafe, which is a popular meeting point.

The petition, sent to the Stray Ferret by one of the signatories, says:

“There is such strong feeling about the cafe. Your customers really appreciate the service and feeling of community there. The staff are also so kind and friendly.

“The customers see it as a wonderful meeting place, a resource which is convenient for shopping and a place for parents and children to meet up before and after school.

“The elderly and lonely also find friendship in the cafe. Plus the food and drink is excellent! I really hope you will read all the comments and reconsider closing the cafe.”

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The petition has also been sent to Andrew Jones, the Conservative MP for Harrogate and Knaresborough.

If M&S’ plans are approved by Harrogate Borough Council, the expanded store will include an in-store bakery, wine shop, fill your own section to reduce waste and new decor throughout.

The retailer said in a statement:

“Our expansion plans at M&S Harrogate Oatlands are designed to deliver a bigger, better and fresher new-look food hall for shoppers and mark a significant investment in the local area.

“Whilst these plans involve closing the in-store café, they will allow us to transform the store to deliver the very best of M&S for our customers in Harrogate, with a bigger range of M&S food products than ever before.”

Four Harrogate district parish councils join campaign for 20mph limit

A prominent environmental campaigner from Harrogate is urging more parish councils to support an initiative to reduce some speeds limits from 30mph to 20mph.

Malcolm Margolis has been lobbying parish councils since September to join the 20’s Plenty for Us movement.

The movement consists of 500 local groups campaigning for 20mph to be normal on residential streets and in town and village centres

So far, four parish councils in the Harrogate district have signed up for the initiative. They include Bishop Thornton, Shaw Mills and Warsill, Tockwith with Wilstrop, Goldborough and Flaxby and Haverah Park with Beckwithshaw which have pledged support to 20’s Plenty.

Malcolm Margolis

Mr Margolis said he does not believe every 30 mph limit should be reduced to 20mph but that the move would be welcome on roads where people live, work and go to school. He told the Stray Ferret:

“I am definitely hoping to get more parish councils signed up. There are a few councils which will be debating the matter at their next meetings.

“We are confident there is huge, overwhelming support across North Yorkshire. Not only would it save lives but it would also reduce air pollution.

“I do not understand the reasons North Yorkshire County Council has given as to why it could not do this. It would not cost very much and would be policed as much as 30mph roads.

“Unfortunately all that is stopping the movement is a few people, mainly politicians.”

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However, North Yorkshire County Council, which is the highways authority, said it has consulted with North Yorkshire Police and other interested parties and does not believe speed reductions would be appropriate.

Karl Battersby, corporate director of business and environmental services, said:

“We are committed to making the network as safe and accessible as possible for all road users and will continue to talk to communities to consider options to allay road safety concerns.

“A revised 20mph speed limit policy is currently going through its approval process following a review by a task group set up by the Transport, Economy and Environment Overview and Scrutiny Committee.

“This review, which reported its conclusions this year, heard from traffic engineers, road safety and public health officers, North Yorkshire Police and the 20’s Plenty campaign group.

“The task group resolved that it is not appropriate to apply a countywide default 20mph speed limit.”

Mr Battersby added that speed is not a major cause of collisions in North Yorkshire and that it would require significant investment, as well as future maintenance costs.

Organisers ‘hopeful’ Hampsthwaite v Birstwith tug of war can go ahead

The organisers of the annual News Year’s Day Hampsthwaite vs Birstwith tug of war competition have said they’re keeping their fingers crossed it will go ahead in a fortnight’s time.

The tradition dates back to the 1980s, but about eight years ago it became a competition between two pubs in the neighbouring villages; The Joiners Arms in Hampsthwaite and The Station Hotel in Birstwith.

Hundreds of people often watch the competition at Hampsthwaite cricket ground before heading to The Joiners Arms.

The event had to be cancelled this year due to coronavirus restrictions. Knaresborough’s Boxing Day tug of war has been cancelled this year but organisers have said they’re hopeful the event will be able to take place on the first day of next year.

Rebecca Cranage, the owner of Joiners Arms, said:

“We thought we’d definitely be OK for this year, we are just hoping it can still go ahead. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

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Ms Cranage has lived in the village for 20 years and, like many villagers, has fond memories of watching the event.

It has evolved over the years after starting as a Brits vs Americans competition featuring men from the RAF Menwith Hill base.

The upcoming event is due to include men’s and women’s teams, with 10 people on each end of the rope pulling for victory.

There will also be a raffle to raise funds for Yorkshire Air Ambulance.