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28
Sept
Brain-injured photographer battles chronic pain - by taking its picture
Sometimes, life turns on a sixpence. It all seems fine, and then without warning something happens that changes everything, forever.
That’s what happened to Harrogate man Sam Booth 15 years ago. Following a BSc in Recreation Management and an MSc in Sport Development, he had made a career in sport, working as a coach, a lifeguard, a sports attendant and gym instructor. It was, he says, his dream job.
Sam graduated from Sheffield Hallam University in 2008 - just five months before his accident.
But then at work in April 2009, the dream turned into a nightmare – one he is gradually coming to terms with, through the 'medicine' of photography.
Taking part one day in a sports coaching demonstration, Sam clashed heads with another participant.
He told the Stray Ferret:
I was wearing a white England football shirt that I’d recently bought and remember seeing blood on it. I reached up to the area of impact, about an inch above my left ear, and saw blood on my hand.
I felt sick, confused and dizzy.
I was taken to Doncaster A&E, but I still felt like I was drunk. I couldn’t make sense of what I was going through.
Sam in May 2009, just a month after his accident
He was initially diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome, but it didn’t clear up, and he now lives with constant chronic pain which medication seems unable to ease. He said:
It just doesn’t let up – I call it my Pain Monster. There are days when I can’t function.
Any unexpected external movements to my right side cause severe pain, like I’ve been hit by a hammer from the back of my eye and the right side of my head.
It’s the worst pain I have had, and I try to avoid situations where there may be movement within that range, but at times that’s impossible.
To make matters worse, he lost his job and finds it difficult to find a new one:
My employer was awful towards me. One of the human resources team said it was only a bump on my head and their five-year-old had a similar injury and was fine – basically saying I should be too.
I feel the lack of empathy at times has really affected my mental health too.
Sam’s life spiralled downwards on a trajectory he could never have predicted. He said:
The injury affected every part of my life. The physical pain and decline in mental health led to a loss of income, and even the loss of a lot of friends. Worst of all, I lost hope for my future – I felt like I was worthless.
I have suffered extremely bad depression, and have even been close to suicide.
People and nature have helped Sam to carry on. His family have never been far away, and his partner Laura, whom he met in 2013, is a constant source of love and support. They now live in Harrogate and have a two-year-old son, John, who – says his dad – is a “little legend”.
Sam with partner Laura and their son, John.
Sam has also volunteered to work in gardens at Harewood, RHS Harlow Carr in Harrogate and at York Gate Garden in Leeds – all peaceful places where sudden, pain-inducing movements are unlikely.
Then, two years ago, Sam started studying for a Master of Fine Arts (MFA) degree in Photography from Ulster University, and by experimenting with different photographic effects, he finally found a way to explain and face up to his pain.
He said:
The course took me to dark and depressing places mentally, but out of this I found a way to show my hidden disability and confront my Pain Monster.
The photography has been the medicine that I have needed. Without volunteering in gardens like Harewood, Harlow Carr and York Gate in Leeds, I don’t think I would have been able to create the work. I unbottled years of agony and put everything into it.
It’s been cathartic, and I can finally explain what I’ve been unable to since my brain injury 15 years ago.
He earned a distinction in his Master’s degree and he’s now started up as a self-employed photographer. He is also applying to do a PhD so that he can help people with physical or mental pain to unlock and confront their own ‘pain monsters'.
Sam on a shoot
He said:
My aim was always to do something that I could be proud of. When I achieved the BSc and MSc, I wanted to work to earn money, then apply for a PhD in Sport. Sadly, that was ruined by the brain injury.
Now I see how I can use my science background and recent fine art Master’s to help others to find a way to tell their stories like I was able to.
It’s still in the early stages, and I have a lot of work to do, but it would be amazing if I could complete it – it would be my Everest.
I feel that I am kind of a lesser person than I hoped, and I wanted to be a good role model for our child. I want to make my son and Laura proud, so hopefully I can do that soon.
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